The Nolympic Games
by Pegasus Knight Salvo
Summary: a series of drabbles, thi sis what would happen if the Organization did their version of the Olympic Games. Let the chaos begin. My first attempt at comedy...


**Nolympic Games: Day One**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any FF characters. I only own my OCs, Xanez, Xanai, Ghost (Kirux), and Lixly. _

_Also, I don't own the Olympics. _

? [sighs] Welcome, all Nobodies, to the Nofunic Lames!

[someone coughs in the background]

?:[smiles apologetically] I MEAN, welcome to the first ever Nolympic Games! We are here Live in the Castle that Never Was!

[she claps enthusiastically]

?: My name is Lixly and I'm the…uh…um…er…[thinks deeply]

[annoyed mumbling could be heard in the background]

Lixly: Right! I'm the Sports Analyst here! Alright, let's get on with the first event!

[drum roll]

Lixly: The sharpshooter competition! Ta-daaaaah! Time for my co-host to make his

debut, the ever charismatic Xanny!

[Lixly gets whacked by a Grimoire]

Xanny: Shut up! It's Xanez! Never call me that hideous name again!

[he faces the camera]

Xanez: [pushes glasses up the bridge of his nose] allow me to explain the rules of this event.

The competitors must destroy all Heartless within the time limit. The time limit is set at 45 seconds. Point deduction if any Heartless remain.

The competitors must not miss with any of their attacks. Points deducted for any misses.

Total points will be added together from three categories. Speed, accuracy, and style.

Xanez: Got it?

[Lixly giggles]

Lixly: And every member of the Organization must compete, except for Xanny, Ghost, and me!

[Xanez face palms]

Xanez: It's Xanez! And call Kirux by her proper name!

[he attempts to keep composure as she pouts. The screen then splits vertically, a blue haired girl with yellow eyes waves. She looks almost identical to Xion, except for her hair and eye color]

?: You two bickering again? The event's about to begin, to take marriage counsel later, aight?

[Xanez and Lixly are genuinely stunned into silence]

Xanez and Lixly: Shut up Kirux/Ghost!

Lixly: Wait! It's about to begin?

Xanez: Who're the contenders for gold, Kirux?

Kirux: [smiles] Well, its obvious Xigbar is the favorite, but I've got my munny on Luxord. One other may be able to spoil II's chances!

[Lixly and Xanez look at each other, then at the screen]

Both: Who?

Kirux: [frowns] I hate to say it…but Xanai, the sickle wielding master of the arts of poison. Even though things may get interesting, I hope she fails!

Lixly: Annie? Blegh! I hope that old geezer Xiggy wins! Anyone's better than Annie!

[Xanez chuckles]

Xanez: for once…I agree. Never thought I'd say that as long as I existed.

[Kirux shrugs]

Kirux: If you two didn't make me be a host, I'd win this hands down. Put me on full screen! The Event's starting!

[screen turns to full screen]

Kirux: First one to compete is…Larxene.

(Lixly: That witch will lose!)

(Xanez: Not so loud! She'll hear you!)

Kirux: Humph! Miss after miss! Hehehe…this will definitely hurt her score. Aint that right…Sephiroth?

[screen pans to the left, showing the one winged angel himself standing next to Kirux]

Sephiroth: Pathetic. She is a disgrace to the Organization in entirety. She has no control of her movements.

[Larxene glares and skulks off]

Sephiroth: 2.5/10. Next.

(Lixly: and the witch is doooown!)

(Xanez: not so loud! She WILL hear you!)

Kirux: Next is…Demyx. Good Lord. Why even bother?

(Lixly: 500 munny says he runs)

(Xanez: Deal!)

Kirux: WWDD? (what would Demyx do?) It's starting!

Demyx: Run! Run away!

[Demyx flees through a created Dark Corridor]

Sephiroth:…Zero. That is all. Next.

(Lixly: hehehe…pay up!)

(Xanez: Dang it! I though he would actually DO something, but I guess not…)

Kirux: And now for a commercial break!

[commercial break]

[camera stays live, showing Kirux turning on an MP3 player and singing along to Uprising by Muse]

[commercial break ends]

Kirux: Welcome back! The event ended while you were away, but the results shall be put up! [screen changes to main desk where Xanez and Lixly are]

Lixly: It was so intense!

Xanez: More so than Kirux's singing.

Lixly: First place, getting gold…Luxord! Using Time magic gave him infinite time to take care of the Heartless. He had a 9.9/10

Xanez: Second, taking the silver…Xigbar. He missed two times, enough for Luxord to pass by him. 9.5/10 Shot himself in the foot, metaphorically speaking.

Lixly: Third with bronze…Xaldin! With a 8.1/10, I'm never coming near him and his whirlwind lances again!

Xanez: Here's how the rest did.

Marluxia 7.9/10

Saix 7.6/10

Axel 7.4/10

Xemnas 6.8/10

Xanai 6.2/ 10

Lexaeus/ Zexion tie 6/10

Roxas 5.9/10

Xion 5.8/10

Larxene 2.5

Vexen 1.7/10

Demyx 0/10

Sephiroth: I'm out of here. [vanishes into thin air]

Lixly: Thanks Seffie! [waves cheerily]

Xanez: You got a death wish?

[Kirux appears through a Dark Corridor next to Lixly]

Kirux: Demyx is taking my spot as host next time. The Event?

Lixly: Snowboarding in Ancient China! [flails excitedly] Good luck, Ghost!

[Xanez whacks Lixly expertly with his Grimoire]

Xanex: Show some respect!

Kirux: I'm gonna go hit the hay. I need my rest. If someone interrupts me…they shall be erased… [she leaves the room]

Lixly: Bye-bye! [waves enthusiastically] and that's that for our broadcast! Tune in next time, same time, same channel. Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeee~

[the two think the broadcast is over, yet the camera still records]

Xanez: Demyx our co host, eh?

Lixly: Let's make him you scapegoat! It'll be fun!

Xanez: What if that was an Nolympic Event?

Lixly: What was?

Xanez: [flippant wave of his hand] inventing ways of blaming Demyx, of course!

Lixly: The witch would win, though! Talk about redemption~

Xanez: Oh, crap! The camera's still rolling!

Lixly: Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!

[Lixly flails at the camera, turning it off.]

**A/N: End of Day one of the Nolympics! Good? Bad? Review! This is my first attempt at humor, and many don't understand my humor…Next one will be funnier. It will involve one of these three choices**

**Sabotage**

**Hint at Yaoi**

**Avalanche**

**Any ideas for further events? Don't be afraid to give them!**

**Salvo, signing off!**


End file.
